A friend and her dog came to stay with me recently. Her dog’s name is Doodle, she is 14 years old. When my friend spoke to me about Doodle, it was almost always in downcast way:
“She’s done. These are her last days. I just want to spend as much time as I can with her.”
Being someone that has made a point of understanding everything I can about dogs, I get it. I get the emotional side of having your best friend be getting older and being the physical representation of time passing. It hurts. Therefore we tend to start the mourning process with them right there in front of us. A bit unfair, I would say. A dog does not know that they are getting older and even if they did, they wouldn’t know what that means. Since they do not have a sense of self. What they see is a human with a very frail and weak energy. A human that is incapable of providing direction, and unsure about the protection. So the unsureness and hesitation in a dog as sensitive as Doodle begins. She becomes the representation of what my friend is feeling; she becomes frail and with a weak energy. I did the complete opposite when greeting Doodle, I acted towards her like the bright and polite energy she is. A true lady. Older, yes. But not dying. She still has a lot of life in her and I was going to honor that by treating her like all the other dogs. Helping her when she needed it, yes. After all there is only so much an older physical body can do. We helped her going up and down the stairs or getting up from a slippery floor, but other than that, she was simply part of the pack. No more, no less.
For the next few days, Doodle was treated like all the other dogs in the house. The only exception being that she always got the closest spot in front of the fire place. Doodle helped when we worked with other dogs, stayed in the yard sun bathing while the younger pups were playing and even helped a shy dog come out of his shell. My friend was elated. She saw how happy and light Doodle acted during their stay. It was really great to see the energy shift between the two of them. My friend’s concern turn into joy by celebrating the whole lot of life that Doodle still has inside of her. Instead of nurturing an unsure and frail Doddle, we encouraged the respectful and wise side of her. That type of knowledge that comes only with age. When it comes to dogs your get what you pet. So unknowingly my friend was nurturing a weak energy. Both Doodle and my friend were living in this rip current of sadness, Doodle with unsureness and my friend with grief.
Dogs teach me everyday. But every once in while you encounter a dog that stops you in your tracks and demands that you truly match your actions to your words. Doodle did that for me. Without realizing I have been treating my own senior dog the with the same energy that my friend was treating Doodle. I have been grieving even though she is still very much alive. The main difference between between Doodle and Willow, is that Willow will take her protection role very seriously when I seem weak. So she didn’t become meek and frail, no, not Willow. She became a sort of a bully. Again without realizing it, I agreed with that by allowing it to happen, because, she is old, I don’t have that much time with her…blah, blah, blah, blah. I needed Doodle’s visit to snap me back to treating Willow as a dog and not as “my baby”, my best friend, my dog. Doodle and my friend helped me by showing what I was unintentionally doing to my own dog.
Yes, dogs lives are shorter than our own. However that knowledge does not make it easier to disassociate how we feel when we see the passage of time when they start getting older. What we can do is make a conscious decision not to change the way we act towards them when the signs of age start showing. It is indeed easier said than done, but having a dog means making hard decisions and taking the time to listen when they need us to be the best version of ourselves. Willow and Doodle do not know they are older. But even if they did, would it be fair for us to start pitying them simply because they are not as spry as they once were? Both of these dogs show us that even when time catches up to you, one does not need to relate to the passage of time in sorrow. No, not these ladies. They both showed me how to age gracefully and with joy. After all Willow still has plenty pf energy to go digging for ground squirrels and Doodle would make a point of pushing the sliding door open and coming outside when I was working with dogs and she was supposed to be resting.
Thank you ladies for reminding me that we can and should enjoy life as hard and as long as it is possible. Accept the help when it is given, but do not live in sorrow since the memories will last longer than the physical body ever will. Let’s celebrate the years we have with our dogs. When it is their time to leave let’s make it as joyful as possible. The pain will certainly be part of the process but it shouldn’t shadow the amazing years we still have together. Time passes for us all, how we choose to spend it, is up to us. Be certain that spending time with an older dog and treating them as a young one will be met with a much lighter energy by that same dog. One does get what one pets. Leave the sorrow and the feeling bad for the times when you are not with them. Let them experience how many more years of life they have with you feeling secure and fulfilled. That is the full expression of the love we have for them.
