One of the best things about sharing our lives with dogs is the deep and unwavering connection between our two species. Dogs are the ultimate companions: they are always eager to do whatever we are doing, will always be excited to go on an adventure, are the quickest ones to cuddle with us on lazy days and are able to rejoice in the most mundane activities. Having our dogs follow us from room to room may be a boost for our hearts and our egos, after all who doesn’t enjoy a constant companion that is always joyful when we are around. It makes one feel loved and wanted. Nevertheless once one understands that while having a velcro dog maybe good for our state of mind, it does our furry companions a disservice and might even play a large role to create a very unbalanced dog. A huge contributing factor for the high level of “separation anxiety” in dogs today is our reluctance in creating healthy boundaries between us and them. By allowing and even encouraging our dogs to be glued to us we are unwittingly bringing about the worst behavior in them. While a velcro dog might sound great on paper, it is important to remember that it does our pups much more harm than it does either of us good.
Dogs are social animals, they need a pack in order to thrive. When we bring a dog into our lives we automatically become their pack. We are responsible for their protection and direction. It is our job to teach our pup the rules and boundaries that we want them to follow. If one of the rules is that there is no boundary between the human and the dog – meaning the dog is allowed to follow us everywhere, she does not have a spot “of her own” in the house, and she is glued to us at every moment—the dog starts to imprint that this is the reality of this pack. We do not separate. The dog does not learn how to “deal” with being on their own. They become codependent on the other. Much like human relations, that is not a good position to be in. What happens when they are left alone is usually the dog panics, going into a state of fight – flight. They don’t know how to surrender without their pack and eventually become unbalanced. That, in a nutshell, is separation anxiety: the inability to relax without a pack member around.
An effective way to teach our dogs to self-regulate when alone is by practicing a simple exercise while we are at home. The easiest way is by placing them on a bed, or in a crate and asking them to stay there while we complete another task. It can be as simple as us watching TV with them 10 feet away from us. A bed, a crate or a towel on the ground provides a physical spot where we want them to stay; it anchors the behavior of surrender. They are not allowed to leave that spot. As a rule start with a small ask: they can only leave that spot when they lie down, when they relax, when they stop trying to come to us. Practice it for at least 20 minutes every day. Then slowly start creating more distance from the dog and still expect the same behavior. Can you, for example, cook dinner in the kitchen while the dog stays in the living room on the bed? Can you be in the bedroom and they stay on their bed in another room? The more we encourage them to be on their own in a relaxed state the easier it will become for them to be on their own when we leave. We are essentially teaching them that they are their own being, separate from the pack. They can relax even when they are away from us. That raises their self-esteem and creates a much more balanced dog.
Velcro dogs are a very recent phenomenon. In the not so distant past, most dogs spent the majority of their time outside while the humans stayed inside. We had a clear separation between species whenever we left the house since very few people took their dogs anywhere with them except for a leisurely walk. Nowadays we are increasingly spending more time with our dogs and taking them to more places. That is great. Nevertheless it does increase our responsibility in teaching them, not only what behaviors we want when they are with us, but, more importantly, how to be when we are away. Teaching our dogs resilience when they are by themselves is the least we can do if we want them to live a fulfilled life. They are the greatest companions one can ask for, we can return the favor by teaching them to be that for themselves as well.
