One of the least mentioned aspects in the training world is the power of straight eye contact when working with dogs. Trainers talk about the power of a yes command, or place command, when and how to give treats or leash work. However, when it comes to eye contact there is very little said. Eye contact, is, in my opinion, one of the least understood methods of communicating with our four legged friends. There is power to it. One should not take it lightly and one should not give a dog straight eye contact if they do not know what it is that they wish to communicate. I often say that you can get someone to marry or murder you with straight eye contact alone.
80% of human communication is non verbal… 80%! This is true in a species that uses language to communicate. In dogs, I would venture to say that at least 99% of their communication is non verbal.
By grasping the importance of communicating without words one can start to value when a dog is looking for direction or open to receiving guidance and straight eye contact plays a very important role in that.
One of the first thing one learns in dog psychology is No touch, No talk, No eye contact. All mammals have an awareness of spacial pressures. Meaning we all recognize (albeit in different ways) the idea of intimate, personal, social and public space when dealing with the other. Hence why, most animals are comfortable with someone in their public space but very few will allow someone in their intimate space. Dogs are no different. However, when dealing with them, humans tend to override this instinct and immediately want to get into their intimate space. By learning and incorporating no touch, no talk, no eye contact, one instinctually will provide the animal with more distance. In the beginning of any relationship, that respect is key. No straight eye contact, no touching and no increasing excitement by using words.
Place yourself in the role of the observer before attempting to cross into a dog’s intimate space. That is the natural way of creating trust.
When dealing with our personal dogs, it is understandable that that concept flies out the window. Even though the human is approaching the situation with their own pet in a completely different way, the no touch, no talk no eye contact rule is an amazing way to get your dog, for example, to stop jumping on you when you arrive home. No touch, no talk, no eye contact until the energy comes down. Or to teach guests when they come and your dog is around, to give the dog space to get to know the guests in the way they figure out their way around the world, through their nose and by reading our body language. But even then, if one does not truly know what they want to communicate, it is imperative that straight eye contact not be given. Look at the dogs ears, torso, tail, but avoid making straight eye contact.
Since I have been doing this for a very long time, I know when a dog starts looking for direction simply by noting that they keep “asking” for straight eye contact. Dogs have evolved with humans and they clock everything that we do. Most owner’s don’t realize that most of the time their dog is giving eye contact, they are “asking” for direction. The conversation in my mind goes something like this:
Dog: “What do you want me to do right now?”
Owner: “I love you some much”
Dog: “ok, great. But what is your direction right now?”
Owner: “yes, I love you.”
Dog: “Seriously, I need direction”.
Owner: “I know, I love you too.”
The lines of communication start fraying because the human sees in that eye contact what they want to see. Not what the dog is trying to communicate.
My advice is to start giving direction to your dog once you lock eyes with each other. If you don’t have anything to say, simply look away. If you want to start teaching your dog something (commands, state of mind) wait for eye contact to happen. If you are telling your dog “sit” while they are engaged in something else, they are already telling you they are not paying attention, simply by virtue of not looking at you. The command, therefore, has very little chance of being understood and taken in.
In future remember this: if you don’t know what you want, don’t give a dog straight eye contact. If you want the dog to look at you, don’t keep staring them down – the power of straight eye contact is intense. See how long you can keep staring at person’s eye without becoming uncomfortable. If you are giving your dog straight eye contact, then give them direction. The affection is there. The love, caring, commitment is all there. The dogs are not looking at you in awe of your persona, they are studying you. What they need from you, more than almost anything, is direction. Eye contact is the gateway to that. Your dog is asking you for direction, don’t miss the opportunity to provide them that.
