One of the biggest concerns that clients have when we first speak is the arrival of a human baby in the household. How will their dog react? What steps should be taken in order for the dog to accept the new comer to the house? How to integrate the pack without unsettling the status quo? If the dog has a history of reactivity then the questions are even more distressing… should the dog be re-homed? Is the baby safe? What if the dog starts resource guarding the baby? What tends to happen in these cases, is an event that is joyful becomes ridden with anxiety. Unease settles in and the conversations become more earnest. My goal here is not to judge the rights or wrongs of any particular situation, but to talk about how to make the arrival of a baby in a household with dogs as joyful and peaceful as possible. How to welcome a new pack member is a lesson that dogs teach each other. How to become a family is a lesson that we teach each other. Since the process is familiar to both species, the intention then becomes how to get there from here. Here is where I can give some direction, starting with:
Rules of conduct around the baby
Before the arrival of the baby, create an invisible boundary between the outside and the nursery or the room the baby will be sleeping in. This is a sanctuary that others come only when invited. Female canines will create a den for the pups and no one is allowed in for a certain amount of time. Your dog will instinctively understand this boundary in any doorway if you start by blocking it with your body and not letting them in. Eventually the dog will either walk away or simply lay down outside of this space. Taking your time in teaching your dog this will create a stronger bond since you are giving them direction about how to behave in this space. If your dog knows how to stay on a bed you can put a bed outside of the room or in the corner of the room and ask them to stay there while you are in the baby room. Then, once the baby arrives, this has been practiced a lot before hand, the rules about the room and the energy around it have been set. This space represents surrender – calmness. This exercise can be practiced with any object, piece of clothing, toy, that smells like the baby or that is new. Ask the dog to give it space and be respectful towards it. The intention here is to set an imprint of calm surrender between your pup and the baby. Starting with inanimate objects, paves the way, through practice; when the baby arrives the imprint is already being laid.
Stepping back for a second and realizing that we humans instinctively set rules of conduct around our babies regarding other people, it makes sense of why we ask our dogs to do the same. Moms usually have a very protective energy around new borns and a lot of dogs will sense and respect that. Nurture that calmness by inviting your dog to smell the baby from a distance. Respecting yours and the baby’s personal space. Since the nose controls 60% of the brain, this will set the imprint of the smell (baby smell) representing surrender. The more you start asking your dog for space, the more they will respect the baby. The more you trust that your dog will be respectful towards the baby the more you will invite them to be close to you both. It’s a win win.
If you have a dog with a history of reactivity, don’t wait until the baby arrives in order to seek direction on how to navigate the situation. Set your intention to creating the best environment for you and your entire pack, then seek a professional that can guide you through the process. Just like you would when searching for a daycare for your baby, do your research and trust your gut. The right professional will be able to guide you on how to integrate the pack without tension. One should always feel at ease when working with dogs and babies. If that is not case, search for someone that can show you how to achieve that.
And remember…
There is absolutely no need to rush this process. For a good long while the baby will be always in arms of an adult, allowing for plenty of time to practice the state of mind that is allowed around them. Be patient, be firm, be consistent, but most importantly be kind to yourself and your dog. The change in energy that a baby brings to the household is (and should be) massive. Everything will need to be reshaped and that takes time. There is also no need to “feel bad” about not spending time with your pup. This a natural process that all mammals go through and in all cases I know of, the rearing of younglings is, in the very beginning, a very intimate affair between mother and offspring. Therefore, set these rules of conduct around the baby and, in your own time, start inviting the dog to participate more and more. Every relationship that is worth having takes time to blossom. The relationship between a dog and a baby should be no different.
Happy Training!
