It is truly a wonder how many clients come to me stating their dog has major separation anxiety. I could write an entire book about the cases where clients have come to me and said their dog’s can never, ever be left alone. One client once told me that a trainer expressed that her dog would never be able to be crated, since her separation anxiety was so acute. My questions were many; what happens? Does the dog explode if you put her in a crate? Have you ever had her have to stay a night at a vet? If not, what will happened if she needs to? Does that mean you will never be able to board her? My client’s answer was: that was what the trainer told me. Yes friends, we have arrived at a point in the dog training community that when a trainer doesn’t know how to solve a problem, they’ll say that the dog is “unfixable”. The problem is too ingrained, the dog is beyond hope. That makes me upset. Not knowing how to address a problem is absolutely not the same as the problem not having a solution. How does one fix a dog’s separation anxiety quickly? The short answer is: start creating and enforcing rules and boundaries. That’s it. The anxiety gets fixed. Maybe in one day, two, a week, two at the most. What most people fail to realize is that dogs imitate behavior. So if you dog is anxious, a quick fix is to look at one’s habits and routine and learn what in those areas are creating anxiety in the dog. However, as always that is easier said then done. Understanding what causes separation anxiety is not the same thing as fixing it. Nevertheless, I hope this blog will serve as a road map to help work through whatever is going on between you and your dog. The intention here is not to cast blame, but to help shed light on how our behaviors are creating and enforcing this behavior in one’s dog.
Using the term separation anxiety and dogs is a fairly new phenomenon. Go back 20 years and you would be hard to find a case where an owner expresses those terms in a sentence. What has happened in these past 20 years? For one, dog ownership has exploded. As early as the 2000’s owning a dog was considered a commitment that few were willing to undertake. You see, owning a dog is not an easy task. Dogs depend on their packs (in this case, us) for almost everything. Learning rules, boundaries, social behavior, how to travel, where to go potty, when and in what order to eat… and so much more. When left with their family, the pack will teach a dog how to “behave”. Showing what is allowed and what isn’t; integrating the new member into the pack. All social behavior is taught by and with the pack. Most dog owners nowadays have no idea that this is the case. For some reason, many assume that their new dog will be the sole exception that will come out of the box already knowing all the ins and outs of this human world of ours. Secondly, dogs, as of late have become accessories, not living, breathing beings with an instinct of their own. Owning a dog often means choosing a puppy solely by looks, showering them with love, clothes, toys, beds, trinkets but absolutely no direction (accessories rarely need direction). Owners often allow puppies to do whatever they want (since they are so cute) and then struggle to understand why their dogs are not listening to them. Never giving a dog direction is a very, very quick way to start creating separation anxiety since the dog doesn’t understand what are the rules when their pack leaves them alone. You see, with no rules comes no trust. No trust means the dog is confused, that is a huge ingredient for separation anxiety.
The quickest way to “fix separation anxiety” in dogs is to treat them as dogs: beings that have a need of structure, exercise and a pack. Structure is what gives a dog the road map into what is allowed and what isn’t. If you are someone that allows your dog to follow you everywhere around the house, make a commitment to crate train them and then practice leaving them in their crate while you are around the house. This will teach them that they will not follow you everywhere and that they have a safe and calm space to rest when away from the pack. Exercises can come in many forms, but mental exercises for dogs that are highly anxious are an amazing way to teach and drain energy. At feeding time ask your dog to stay on a bed for 20 minutes before allowing them to eat. That will teach them many things: self control, surrender when something is hard, calmness is the state of mind that will get you what you want. If you prefer being out in nature then a long walk can also drain mental energy. The important difference is that in these types of walks the dog is in a follower state of mind. Not the walk where we mark or track, the walk where we travel together. The human leading and the dog following. That is what creates trust in the pack. Traveling together.
Lastly remember to check if you are breathing when you are working with your dog. Not the shallow breathing that comes when we are hurried and trying to get things over with. No, the breathing here is to help you both come to a calmer state. The deep belly breathing that brings one back to the present moment. This type of self-awareness and self care will show your dog that her pack members are calm and confident about what they are doing. The human is present now and is giving the dog direction. All the while the human gets a daily reminder to be in the moment and enjoy what is happening now, not what is going to happen tomorrow. Seeing the being in front of you and displaying the behavior you wish them to show is an amazing way to help our dogs and ourselves to be less anxious. Let’s learn from them what it is to live in the moment. Let’s help them to be the best version of themselves by understanding that they are imitating a behavior they are seeing. If we can give them more structure and become better “role models” of behavior they will certainly follow.
Happy training!
